
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Your Time Machine Question

Toons to Tempt the Muse
That’s not a misspelling. Although music moves me as I write, so do visual images, including—yup—cartoons.
Now you know why I subscribe to the New Yorker magazine and have for almost 20 years. My office bulletin board is festooned with recent faves; I rotate them to suit moods and assignments. Current attractions include cartoons by Tom Cheney and P.C. Vey. Since I don't have permission to post them here, I'll (lamely) describe a couple that connect to my work. If you're curious, I'll email you the jpegs.
You may think I like cartoons because I write mainly humorous stuff. But there’s more to it. I'm in awe of art forms that are at once succinct and insightful. While I, the novelist, trudge through tens of thousands of words to deliver my point, other artists perform their jobs with stunning concision. In that camp I include cartoonists, poets, short-story writers, songwriters, musicians, potters, painters, and photographers, not to mention comedians, floral designers, and chefs. We can appreciate their work in a single sitting, a glance, a gulp. And when it thrills us, we replay it. We view it from various angles. We chew slowly.
A cartoon, like any good picture, is worth a thousand words, and may require as many to describe. You can recount a cartoon to someone who can’t see it, but there’s no way you’ll match the artist's punch. It’s like describing a hedonistically delicious dessert or a brilliant comedic monologue. (Or, for that matter, great sex, but that's for another blog.) In short, you gotta be there.
But cartoonists face some of the same challenges that we novelists do. For instance, they must create a viable world. A favorite Tom Cheney toon features a Realtor showing a property with a gaping hole in the floor through which the cosmos is visible. The Realtor says, "Of course, the real charm of the place is that hole in the space-time continuum."
I write about fantastical phenomena and Realtors, though not always at the same time. Drafting my novel Sensitive, I took pains to vividly render my characters astral-projecting and talking with the dead. Since I had never done either, I had a license to imagine the experiences as well as an obligation to do enough research to get the details mostly right. When we spin suspense fiction, our series protagonists regularly bump up against violent death. Thus we must build a universe on the page that makes heinous crime both shocking and inevitable. Whiskey Mattimoe is a Realtor whose clients have a high probability of turning up dead. I enhance that probability by making Magnet Springs a resort town that attracts the rich and greedy.

Like all true artists, cartoonists make connections where none typically exists. They twist clichés and thwart expectations. And yet they make sense. If they don’t, we don’t "get it," and the cartoon fails. The same is true of the stories we tell on our own broad canvases. Our characters must be recognizable but completely fresh. Our endings must satisfy and surprise as solidly as a single-frame cartoon.
In closing, allow me to describe a toon by P.C. Vey: Two women are having tea. Next to the hostess is a cat wearing a Zorro mask. The hostess says, "I know it's illegal, but quite frankly we couldn't get by without the cash and jewelry he brings home every night."
Yeah, yeah, you gotta see it, and I did. And it started me drafting a new mystery series starring a woman who trains her Devon rex cat to steal. If you think that's impossible, you haven't seen this video or met my Devon rex, Flannery, who as far as I know steals only hearts. Still, Flan gets into enough trouble to make a genuine cat burgler seem plausible. At least in the world of art I can make.
P.S. Happy birthday to fellow Midnight Ink author, G.M. (Gin) Malliet! My protagonist (Whiskey) and I raise a glass to you. Tuesday, January 29, 2008
THE LIAR'S DIARY
Today, InkSpot joins with over 300 other blogs to help promote THE LIAR'S DIARY by Patry Francis. Patry is faced with an unfortunate situation that keeps her from promoting her new novel -- the paperback version is being released today. Patry was recently diagnosed with a progressive form of cancer. She's had several surgeries and her prognosis is good.
But given that she won't be able to do much promoting, fellow authors and bloggers like InkSpot are stepping in to help get the word out for her. Below are some links to visit and a "cover story" video clip along with ways to purchase your copy of THE LIAR'S DIARY. Please join the Midnight Writers in wishing Patry a full recovery and much success with THE LIAR'S DIARY.
Order your copy of LIAR'S DIARY from:
Monday, January 28, 2008
Convention Speak
By Tom Schreck
Author of On the Ropes, A Duffy Dombrowski Mystery
Well, I’m off to the Love Is Murder convention for mystery authors and fans and you know what that means?
It means I’ve got to start making up bullshit answers to questions I’ll be asked to keep up with the other authors.
Let me see…
Question 1.
What is your process as an author?
Answer I’ll give
Ah, yes, my process. (insert contrived patronizing chuckle.) Yes, of course, my process. You see writing is more religion than craft for me. Each morning before I commence writing I meditate and chant naked in a sweatbox given to me by a group of Apachees who were appreciative of a short story I wrote about their relationship with the buffalo.
Then, once cleansed, I sit at the oak desk that belonged to Millard Fillmore’s accountant, and use the Mont Blanc fountain pen (I won it at Sotheby’s) that Hemingway stabbed a rude Cuban bartender with. Then, and only then, I begin my art. I wear a traditional Shaman’s gown and go commando. ( I launder the gown only after I complete the first draft which has sometimes caused some chaffing.)
By the way, I write only on Peruvian parchment scented with vanilla that gets flown in and left at my door every morning.
The Truth
Because the three dogs won’t stop barking and the puppy is eating the couch I write at the McDonalds on Holland Ave in Albany NY. I wear headphones and listen to a white noise CD, which doesn’t stop Juanita, the woman who sweeps, from talking loudly enough for me to hear her say:
“I got me one of them computers just like that, yes I do,” which she says every single day.
Question 2.
What is your background?
After quarterbacking Notre Dame to seven straight national championships I yearned for something more meaningful. I trained with a band of Malaysian mercenaries who were plotting to overthrow the Nestle’s corporation. Then, I went through a dark period where I worked as an assassin and a pilates instructor in Warsaw.
Shortly after that, I was elected to the House of Representatives representing a district 200 miles east of Sioux Falls, South Dakota. I played third base for the Yankees for half a season but tired of the attention Jeter always got, did a brief stint as an inventor where I came up with the Bamboo Steamer that you see sold on late night TV and then I taught Kindergarten on Guam.
The Truth
I work in an office and teach junior college.
Question 3
How many hours a day do you write and how much do you write?
Answer I’ll give
I write for exactly 16 hours and thirty one minutes every single day except on the anniversary of the Hindenburg tragedy. I write between two and three words a day.
The Truth
I write for 30 to 45 minutes a day before work depending on how loud Juanita talks and how much I drank the night before. I get between 2 and 3 pages.
Question 4
How much do you read and what do you like to read?
Answer I’ll give
I read for 17 hours a day. I prefer those wacky light hearted Russian authors; Tolstoy, Blok, Gogol and especially Puskin, though I believe Puskin had trouble with the semi-colon.
I’m currently reading a collection of Solzenitzen’s private love letters to Ludmila, the woman (and concubine!) who rented his garage for her small engine repair business.
The Truth
From April to October I read the New York Post articles about the Yankee games that I watched the night before.
Question 5
Do you outline and plot?
But of course! I write at least 11 outlines before I start my first of a dozen drafts. My outlines are usually 3,000 pages. Then I break down each syllable I’m planning on writing and put it on a series of color coded index cards. I have my team (my agent, manager, publicist, editor, strength coach, masseuse and landscaper) act the plot out in mime.
I’m sure other authors do things differently but it’s this is only way I can work
The Truth
I make shit up at McDonalds and type it.
Question 6
What are your goals as a writer.
The answer I’ll give
Hmm… (at this point I’ll lean back and begin to weep. Then, wiping the tears from my eyes I’ll continue.) I just want to touch each and every reader, to change their view of the world-- just a tiny bit so that for that moment, for that single solitary moment, they can be transported away from the mundane to a place where their existential conflicts, though maybe not resolved, will look different to them.
The Truth
I want to sell as many books as Maleeny
Saturday, January 26, 2008
InkSpot News - 26 January 2008

InkSpotters on the loose:
Sue Ann Jaffarian will be at the following events in the next two weeks:
Saturday, January 26, 11:00 – 4:00; Mystery on the Menu, Cerritos Library, 18025 Bloomfield Avenue, Cerritos, CA (This is a ticketed event. For more information call (562) 924-2474.)
LAUNCH PARTY for Thugs and Kisses, Sue Ann's latest Odelia Grey adventure! Saturday, February 2nd, 5:30-7:30, Mystery Bookstore, 1036C Broxton, Los Angeles, CA (Westwood). This will be a joint launch with Christa Faust, who will be celebrating the release of her book Money Shot.
Bill Cameron will be making the following appearances:
PORTLAND
Sunday, January 27, 5pm
Murder by the Book
With Gregg Olsen
Discussion, Q&A, and a drawing for free books!
BEAVERTON, OREGON
Wednesday, January 30, 7pm
Powell's Books at Cedar Hills Crossing
With Gregg Olsen
Discussion, Q&A, and a drawing for free books!
SEATTLE, WASHINGTON
Saturday, February 16, noon
Seattle Mystery Bookshop
With Gregg Olsen
Discussion, Q&A, and a drawing for free books!
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Coming Up for Air

It’s a pretty good feeling actually. Being able to settle back in the chair, nod the head at the computer screen and say to yourself, yeah, that will work. Okay, some touches here and there. Oh yeah, gotta change her hair color to keep it consistent, but yeah, this will work.
DEADLINE
By Lynn SholesBut deadlines suck big time. I can’t get out all my creativity. I know the book would be much better if I had all the time I wanted to write it——like the first book. I wrote when I felt like it, when I was inspired and I wrote good stuff——I thought at the time. Well, maybe I wrote acceptable stuff, not good stuff. But, oh, to have that leisure again, not to sell on a proposal with a delivery date. The thrill would be back. Kind of like making love in the back seat of a Chevy. Not something planned, just something that exploded in the moment. Not that I ever did that, but I sure have fantasized it. I’d like to write like that again, from the gut, from the heart, with all the time in the world to express myself. But that ain’t what the business is all about. So when I read some poor author whose latest seems to fall flat, I’ll keep that in mind.
Meanwhile, back to the keyboard and chapter whatever. Another day, another fifty-cents.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
THE LIAR'S DIARY

There’s no busier time in a writer’s life than when a book is released. Book launches include rounds of publicity events, media interviews, signings and readings. The demands of this endeavor are rigorous under the best of circumstances.
Fellow author Patry Francis is faced with an unfortunate situation that precludes her being able to do much publicity when her novel, THE LIAR’S DIARY, is released in paperback from Dutton on Jan. 29th. Just a few weeks ago, Patry was diagnosed with a progressive form of cancer. She's had several surgeries and her prognosis is good, but given that Patry won't have much energy for promoting, a number of bloggers are banding together to do it for her.
THE LIAR'S DIARY Blog Day is going to be held January 29th. Mark your calendars. Anyone who wishes to participate is asked to mention the book on their blog that day and link to Patry's website (http://www.patryfrancis.com/) and the book's purchase page on Amazon, do a liars themed blog, review the book, sponsor a contest, or do anything else they think might help Patry get some much-deserved notice. Bloggers are also asked to encourage their readers to buy one and buy one for a friend between January 29th and Feb 1.
I’ve never met Patry in person but we’ve communicated several times via e-mail. Her warmth, strength, positive outlook and deep appreciation for all that is being done is heartfelt. Patry's blog, "Simply Wait, chronicles her recovery with grace, humor and dignity.
I invite all the readers and fellow authors to band together on Jan. 29th to make THE LIAR'S DIARY Blog Day a memorable one in publishing history.