Friday, July 6, 2007
by Tom Schreck, author of On The Ropes, A Duffy Dombrowski Mystery
My main character’s home away from home is AJ’s Bar. It got me thinking about bars, the role they play in our culture and how the kind I like aren’t as easy to find as they used to be.
Here’s one man’s opinion on bars.
I love bars.
Bars should be dark. There should be enough bar stools.
There should be a TV that everyone can see and it should be on sports or the news. Nothing else.
The stools should have backs to them. There should be a brass railing or step for your feet.
There should be no frozen drinks or drinks with names like "Kamikazee", "Orgasm" or "Sex on the Beach."
If you want to or need to do a shot, it should be of a whiskey.
The bar should have today's paper.
The draft should be cold with a head.
There should be short narrow glasses.
If there's a juke box it can have different types of music but there must be Elvis, Sinatra, Bobby Darin (doing Mack the Knife), Waylon and Willie and the Temptations.
Regulars have their own seats. They aren't assigned or designated, they are understood.
The bartender can be a wise guy or quiet or in between but he has to serve the drink you want when you want it. He doesn't have the luxury of waiting until the inning ends or the home team punts.
The food can't be good for you.
If you answer the phone the proper response is always "I'm not sure if he's here. Let me see."
Don't stand in the spot where the bartender and the waitress have to go in and out of.
If you like esoteric beer from different countries or small breweries fine but don't talk about it. It is beer.
If you're new realize your rank and pay attention to it.
When you have a broken heart you can talk about it... once.
You can't bring a kid or an infant in with you. It's not cute and it's not the place for them even if they're quiet.
A bar should have one of the following; Schlitz, Pabst, Old Style, Schaefer or Stroh's.
Posted by Tom Schreck at 7:00 AM