Sunday, December 14, 2008

Inquiring Minds Want to Know

I've noticed something lately - maybe you have too.  Have you noticed that the tabloid's have, for weeks now, been on the Jolie vs. Aniston "feud?" What is all the fuss about?  Am I missing something?  Is it that I'm a guy and I don't care?  Am I supposed to pick sides in this feud?  For me, it's a little like the Mary Ann or Ginger question - you know, from Gilligan's Island?

So I turned to an expert in these matters and asked my wife about this troubling situation.  As a way of an answer she said that she hates Angelina Jolie but likes Jennifer Aniston.  Against my better judgement, I pressed on. "Why," the troubled husband asked?


Now, for you gentlemen out there, this might not sound like a valid answer but I've learned that when "she who must be obeyed" says "because", it means shut up and move on.  Drop the subject because this is a "woman" thing and I'll never understand it.  I'm not programed to understand it because I'm a guy and only another woman would understand why Jolie is detestable and Jennifer Aniston is the victim in this feud.  Does it have something to do with that bloke Brad Pitt?  That's the connection right?  It has to have something to do with that dastardly male, Brad Pitt.  

But what really interests me, as a writer, is the conflict.  Why, after years of being apart, is this poor Jennifer Aniston still linked to this cheesy mustachioed Brad Pitt? The dude hooked up with another woman and has kids with her.  Move on.  Move on Jennifer and move on tabloids.  But there is inherent conflict there, clearly.  Why else would the magazines keep promoting the feud - be it real or imagined?  There clearly must be something sinister that they aren't telling us.  UFO's are involved, I can feel it.  Maybe a Bigfoot or two.  Maybe Jolie tried to sell Aniston a senate seat.  Come on.  One of you must know.  Please tell me because inquiring minds want to know.


Jess Lourey said...

I'm going to delve deep into my sociology training and guess that the tabloids churn up this faux conflict whenever one woman or the other has a movie coming out. I would imagine that the two of them spend far less time thinking about one or the other than the general public spends imaginging the two of them "fighting."

It doesn't hurt that it is so easy to turn them both into one-dimensional archetypes--the sweet blonde "Friend" who got wounded by the tattooed, dark-haired husband-stealer. They're both probably lovely women and I hope they have the strength to not buy into their own myths.

Sue Ann Jaffarian said...

Dear Santa, please make this Jolie/Aniston thing go away. It's EVERYWHERE and is giving me indigestion. And while you're at it, please give the people who promote it boils and the people who care about it real lives.

Sue Ann (who has been 50-50 this year on the naughty-nice scale).

Joe Moore said...

Tom Schreck is the Jennifer Aniston expert. Let's ask him.

Deborah Sharp said...

Mark wrote ''.... this cheesy mustachioed Brad Pitt?''

And therein, my friend, lies the problem. No woman would EVER refer to Brad as such ... proving that your wife is right. We hate Angelina and like Brad ... BECAUSE.

Mars and Venus, Mark ... Mars and Venus.

Keith Raffel said...

I think Jen is flaunting what Brad has give up. What do you think?

jbstanley said...

These gals sell copies of People - end of story. They're both gorgeous and writers like to try to create a love triangle conflict showing the women at their most glamorous with smoldering, hostile eyes. Hey, at least it gives Britney a break!

G.M. Malliet said...

Can we please talk about what's important here? Oprah is back up to 200 pounds and until she loses the extra poundage the O magazine won't have any good recipes.