I struggle with this as I create suspenseful scenes. I'll use one of the trite phrases and then rack my brain for ways to improve the writing, all the while keeping the shock and awe.
A sound can do it. "Bang!" The crack of gunfire. A ringing phone. The roar of an engine.
Employing phrases that are not so obvious can work as well, although sometimes when I reread things like Almost immediately or All at once, they grate on my ear. Am I just super picky?
Of course, surprise can be introduced almost matter-of-factly, and maybe that is the most powerful way to do it.
As I write this, I'm leafing through The Da Vinci Code for some illustrations for my point, when I come across this piece of narration on page 275:
A sudden movement behind him caught his attention. Out of nowhere, a crushing blow to the head knocked Langdon to his knees.
Out of nowhere? Hmmm. I don't think any of us would call Dan Brown an amateur.
What are your thoughts? Any tips to share on this topic? How do you transition to surprise?
9 comments:
How do I transition to surprise? After about 3 rewrites. It's difficult for me to avoid those "surprisey" cliches. Rewrites are my life. :D
How true, Alice! How many do you do?
Vicki, it depends. At least 3 for the whole book, but several spot-revisions after beta comments come back.
When I look back at my earlier books, I shudder to see so many cheesy transitions. As writers, I think we mature with each book (or should). Now I'm more aware of them as I write and am able spot and clean up most before I get to my final edits. But it took time to learn that.
Vicki- I'm often shocked (and privately a litle embarrassed)when I go back to clean-up and realize how often I've used certain contivances. Thank gooddness for rewrites. And thank you for the reminder!
I've struggled with that one too. Some writers I admire use no transition, just "A gunshot echoed through the morning." That gives me pause as much as cliched transitions "Suddenly, a gunshot..." Haven't figured it all out yet, but it's a good think to noodle on!
Oops, I mean good thing to noodle on. Good thing to think about, too.
It seems we are all in the middle of reading our drafts when out of nowhere comes a cheesy transition. Thanks for the comments!
As the Nike slogan says, "just do it"!
I would rewrite Dan Brown's passage to say:
Something moved behind Langdon. A crushing blow to the head knocked him to his knees.
And Vicki, I do multiple, multiple rewrites. At least five of each chapter, I would say.
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