I had a colonoscopy this week.
The only remarkable thing about it was
how totally unremarkable it was. Sure, I got a little hungry. And I had a kind
of queasy hour or so before I got into the flow, but in the grand scheme of
things, it was much less painful than sitting through August in Osage County.
And yet, if you swept all the annoyance
at being harassed by my health care providers, the dread of having to do it,
the effort of putting it off, the bone-deep belief that the test would reveal
nothing but the cutest colon, and the nagging of caring friends, you’d see a
pile of negativeness far larger and lumpier than the mild inconvenience of the
actual procedure.
Which brings me to marketing. As it
would.
Much like my conviction that the
colonoscopy would be torture, I’ve convinced myself that marketing is the
Devil. It takes time. That’s time I could be writing. It’s mysterious and often
times ineffective. Yet, everyone agrees you have to do something.
No one knows what magic cocktail of
direct mail, personal appearances, blog tours, paid advertising, and giveaways
will net that intoxicating high of sales. Unless, of course, you crack the BookBub
code and then you can retire on royalties.
I’ve handled marketing in about the same
dysfunctional manner as going in for the colonoscopy. I’ve denied the need to
do it. I’ve avoided it at all costs. I’ve skirted around it and touched on it
half-heartedly, sort of like going in for yearly checkups but not making the
total commitment.
I made lists of books stores to contact
or reviewers to query. And put off calling because *whine* cold calling is
scary. So instead of doing, I procrastinated and worried, then I climbed on the
I Suck Train for not doing what I should have done.
Well, kids, this is where I get off. A
few months ago a friend, Master Marketer Julie Kazimer, convinced me I need to
do it. Much like the impending retirement of my patron (husband) nudged me into
getting the colonoscopy while it was still covered by insurance, I realized the
time has come for me to jump into the marketing fray.
So I did. I started making lists and
then forcing myself to make the calls and write the emails and follow up. Here’s what I discovered:
Just as the unremarkableness of the
colonoscopy, setting up book signings and arranging a blog tour is not that big
of a deal. Sure, it takes some time. But it’s not like someone is bludgeoning
me with a fence post. There is
surprisingly little physical pain involved in phone calls and emails.
Book signing
that didn’t hurt. With William Kent Krueger and Sean Dolittle
I’ve even forced myself to teach a few
workshops and do some public speaking. And there was absolutely no prescription
pain medication involved. Although I might or might not have self-medicated after
the fact, in a purely congratulatory fashion.
As Granddad used to say, (sure, someone
else made it famous but Granddad did say it a lot so I’m going with possession
being 9/10ths and all that) “Never put
off until tomorrow what you can do today.”
It might sell a book or two and it keeps
you off that Crazy Train.
