Friday, August 31, 2007
Reasons to Hate the Red Sox
by Tom Schreck
My book, "On the Ropes, A Duffy Dombrowski Mystery" is now out and in stores. It takes place in and around New York City.
My main character is a not-so-social worker who moonlights as a bad professional boxer. When one of his crack addicted schizophrenic clients gets murdered he decides to find out why and it leads him into a world of internet porn and terrorism.
And then there are the Red Sox fans.
As heinous as internet porn and terrorism are they don't come close to Red Sox fans. Fortunately for me the Yankees have just swept the latest three game series. Unfortunately for me I have to spend the weekend in Cape Cod where I will be surrounded by these intolerable people.
The various shrinks I've seen over the years have told me that when something upsets me I should write it down and some how expunge it from gunking up my mental and emotional processes. I doubt this will work but I want to be a good patient.
Anyway, here goes--The top ten reasons I hate the Red Sox and their fans:
1. Their smelly old minor league stadium that they try to pass off as nostalgic
2. They all talk funny
3. The fact that they think its cool that Jimmy Fallon made a movie about them.
4. They forget that that pathetic Carlton Fisk motioning for his home run to stay fair--one of their most dramatic historic moments---happened in a year where they didn't win the world series.
5. That Ted Williams--the guy they say was the greatest hitter in history--batted something like .205 in the post season.
6. The annoying way they all sing "Sweet Caroline" at the stadium and think its cool instead of something they should be embarrassed about.
7. The way they ran Buckner out of town and blamed him for blowing the series forgetting they went on to lose game seven the next night against the Mets.
8. The way they rationalized a thirty-something Pedro Martinez throwing a seventy-something Don Zimmer to the ground.
9. They were the last team in baseball to integrate.
10. Half their team looks like the frat boys at the equally despicable Boston College (did I mention I went to Notre Dame?)
Sorry--Ten isn't going to be enough.
11. Schilling’s allegedly bloody socks
12. This whole "curse is over" and "my useless Boston life now has meaning"--as if one win in 86 years is something to be proud of. See you in 2090!
The shrinks lied.
I don't feel any better.
And I still have to drive to Cape Cod.