By Tj O’Connor,
author of Dying to Know & Dying for the Past
I did it. I finished. Tuck solved
another case and I wrote “The End” on Dying
to Tell, the third book of Oliver Tucker’s case files— dubbed “The Ghost Gumshoe” by Midnight Ink, my
publisher. Dying to Tell was a
killer, no pun intended. The hardest thing I did in a very long time was hit
“send” on the email that whisked Dying to
Tell off to my agent, Kimberley Cameron.
It was painful. The email sat in
my draft box for hours before I could muster the courage to send it. No, I
wasn’t concerned about the book—my test readers loved it. It was about The End, plain and simple.
You see, a little more than a year and a half ago, Midnight
Ink bought Dying to Know—my fourth
novel and first to be published—along with two sequels. Dying for the Past, the first sequel, releases January 8, 2015,
and Dying to Tell, the second sequel,
releases January 2016. Selling Dying to
Know as a series thrilled me—and terrified me—and thrilled me some more.
And, for the past year-plus, I wrote those two sequels night and day. Turning
in Dying for the Past was easy. “The
End” and on to Dying to Tell. No
problem.
Then, a strange thing happened around page 300 of Dying to Tell. A ball of “oh crap” filled my gut every time I
sat at my keyboard. I found reason after reason to rewrite chapters and refine
plot twists. This character changed, that character died. Then undid it all and
started again. In the end, the final draft looked identical to the first—except
I had languished over it for an extra two months.
As I neared the final chapters of Dying to Tell, I was indeed
dying—dying for the next story, the next book deal, the next bit of proof that
my work was good enough for the world to read. Dying to Know, not a book I ever meant to publish, gave me a huge
confidence boost when it first landed me my agent, Kimberley, and then ended up
being my first published book of four at that time. Success! Someone besides my
three Labs thought my work was worthy!
And the reality smacked me in the face. The series was
written. The contract all but fulfilled. All there was to do was wait for the
launch dates and try to build more readers. Not that all that is easy, mind
you, but the real work was done. And, even before I typed “The End,” I missed
Tuck and Hercule. And, with that, I worried about what was ahead.
On page 325 of Dying
to Tell, I realized any evidence of talent I might have was not yet in hand.
It would be the next book. It was the next sale. The next series. Tuck’s
adventures were a great start. But was it a fluke? Had my agent and publisher
had one-too-many the night before and saw something in my work that wasn’t
there? (Gasp, eerie music, another gasp.)
Panic. Does that make me nuts? A defeatist? No. I think it
makes me humble (yes, children of mine, I am humble now and then). I think my
fear of failure is normal. In particular, after the first book sale. You wonder
if it’ll ever happen again. You wonder if anyone will remember your name, your
books, or your damn Facebook page.
You just wonder.
I think many authors face this—that scary place between your
first book sale and your next. Writing books is easy—well, sort of—but finding
success is not. Success comes not just
from fans, readers, critics, and the occasional atta boy. To publishers, it’s mostly
about commercial success. Sales. And, let me tell you, selling books is
painful, slow, and often a climb that breaks your spirit. It’s tiny little
steps—a book here, a few books there… a slow, almost endless quest to build an
audience that will get you notice and more book contracts.
So you go on. Signings. Book fairs. Monstermania (yes, I
went there and had a blast) and any place you can get yourself invited to. You
Facebook, blog, blog some more, take out ads, take out more ads, and find every
inventive way you can to get your book in someone’s hands. You will do whatever
it takes…
And, when you ask why, it’s easy—How bad do you want to be
an author?
Bad. Sinfully bad. Sell my soul and refuse to pay taxes bad.
(No, IRS, I do pay my taxes.)
And, for me, the fear of failure is—wait for it—palpable. I finished Dying to Tell and began to worry about
the next book, the next plot, and above all, the next book deal. Since selling Dying
to Know, I’ve penned two other novels in addition to Tuck’s two sequels. New Sins for Old Scores, another murder
mystery with a paranormal twist and a historical subplot, is with Kimberley
trying to find a home in the market. The
Killing of Tyler Quinn is a more traditional story about a small town
journalist who returns from the Gulf War after disappearing for years. Quinn’s
best friend is found murdered on the evening Quinn reappears—his mysterious
disappearance and the murder too coincidental for the town—he’s the prime
suspect. The question is—will either of these sell? Will they find a home in
this ever-tightening market?
What if they don’t? Will I perish in the land of the unknown
authors—a crowded, lonely place where blogs and Facebook are your only comfort?
Kimberley says be patient, relax, my career has just
started. And I trust her. But, deep down, hidden behind the thrill of having three
books published and my past swashbuckling around the world chasing terrorists
and spies is the woosie-boy in me.
Can I do this? Will I sell another book? Can Wilfred stop the evil Dr … no, no,
that’s a soap I watched the other day.
Nuts? No. I think people like me—self-driven madmen—measure
ourselves not by what’s behind us but by what’s in front. You’re only as good
as your next book. You’re only as loved as your next review. You’re only as talented
as those weird voices in your head say. Okay, I’m nuts.
Now, given my fear of failure, one might wonder how I keep
from leaping off my porch to my bitter end. Well, my porch is only two feet off
the ground. But, for real, it’s the occasional email or random fan who drops me
a note or stops by a signing just to tell me how much they loved the book and can’t
wait for the next—and what else am I writing … when will it be out? I’m just
getting started and I’ve only had a few dozen of such emails and conversations,
but each one is a thrill for me.
Nuts? Hell yes I am—to the bone. But, that has nothing to do
with writing books.
Warning: The following is a cheap promotional
announcement…
Don’t miss the sale… Amazon
has Dying
to Know on sale for Kindles… $1.99 between 11/7 and 11/23!
Tj O’Connor lives in
Virginia with his wife and three Labs. Dying to Know is the fourth of his eight
novels and is currently available in bookstores and online. Dying
for the Past, the first of two sequels, will be released in January
2015—available now for pre-orders. Tj is an international security consultant
specializing in anti-terrorism and investigations. Learn about his world at www.tjoconnor.com and Facebook at www.facebook.com/TjOConnor.Author.