Tuesday, August 12, 2008

The World Wide Webuffet, by Jess Lourey

As a writer, I do a lot of research. As a single mom with a full-time job besides writing, I do most of that research online. In the past week, I’ve happened upon three sites over the course of my research that I have to share with you.

  • Number 1

slushpiledemotivatormay08_thumb Have you all heard of the 101 Reasons to Stop Writing blog? I chanced upon it when I was researching possible stops for my August Moon virtual book tour. The tagline is, “Schadenfreude is a demanding mistress.” It’s one of those snarky sites that’s right up my alley, featuring demotivational speaking “to help bad writers shed the layers of hubris and denial that cloud their ability to perceive their awfulness,” according to Sean Lindsay, author of the site. We’ve all got a little bad writer in us, and it’s appealing for just that reason.

  • Number 2 (as in “poop”)

OK, I’m still trying to figure out if this one is a joke, but the hairy devil on my shoulder is nodding his head in the negative. The site is called “The Mystery Method: Put Beautiful Women Under Your Spell,” and I stumbled into this hot sticky mess while researching the history of women in mystery. I swear to god.

From what I gather, single men who use this site pay several thousands of dollars to have someone like Trance (a “skilled practitioner of dating science and social dynamics” and a cultured lover of life), Dahunter mysterymen(consistently dates the most beautiful women he meets from a variety social environments. ), or Mystery (a self-proclaimed previous player of Dungeons and Dragons-turned first-rate seducer) give them one-on-one lessons on how to pick up women.

The site gives you teasers on how to do that, and I'm going to give you the executive summary, but excuse my typing because my eyes are still bleeding from reading it:

  1. Find the hottest platinum blonde in the room.
  2. Approach her.
  3. Ignore her.
  4. Talk to her friends until she is dying for your attention. This will happen because you will be the first man to have ignored her and she, apparently, is as socially developed as a gopher.
  5. When she is scratching for your attention, drop a “neg,” which is a negative comment (like, “Is your hair real?”) that cuts away at her self-esteem.
  6. Build her self-esteem back up by bestowing all your attention upon her.

Is this eHarmony for the Symbionese Liberation Army? Are 13-year-old boys who haven’t stolen their mom’s credit card using this site? Can someone restore my faith in the opposite sex?

  • Number 3

I didn't stumble across this one. It's what I read when I should be writing, and it's called Defamer. It's People magazine if People were written by funny, smart people (and I'm sure parts of it are). It's titles like "Whoopi Goldberg's Seething Hate-Rays Fail To Incinerate McCain Groupie Elisabeth Hasselbeck" or "Alex Baldwin Knows Not of Pedestrian things Like Inkjet Cartridges" that keep me coming back for more.

Are there any other uniquely great or greatly horrible websites out there that I'm missing?


Joe Moore said...

Always near the top of my list is http://www.hotspotsz.com/

Kathryn Lilley said...

I bookmarked that one, Joe! At one point while I was researching traits for a particular character, I stumbled across a web site where they promise to freeze-dry your dear, departed Fifi for eternal preservation. I haven't used this for a character yet, but I think it would be funny, in a hideous kind of way, to write up a character who keeps all her former pets preserved in her living room: http://www.perpetualpet.net/

Sue Ann Jaffarian said...

Kathryn, have you visited http://www.lifegem.com/? Why have Fifi (or your husband) freeze dried when you can have them made into diamonds!

The world-wide web just proves that the psychotic and insane will find us, some way, some how. Just do a Google search for the most bizarre thing you can think of, and it's out there waiting to "educate."

Mark Combes said...

Jennifer Jordan, the daughter of Jon Jordan of Crimespree Magazine fame, has a wonderful blog that is just as wonderfully offbeat as she is.


Kathryn Lilley said...

Yikes, Sue Ann! I'd heard about that diamond process but never visited the web site. I'm sure someone must have already written a black widow character who "wears" her deceased husbands as bling around her neck? Just saying.

Nina Wright said...

Not about a website but on the joint subjects of preserving the dearly departed and material too bizarre not to use somehow: She didn't turn her dead husband into diamonds, but a woman I knew had her late mate's ashes worked into handblown glass paperweights for all his friends. Most of us couldn't bear to look at the blasted things let alone actually use them. I buried mine in the garden after I thought I spotted a piece of femur in it.

G.M. Malliet said...

The Onion remains as silly as ever, and still a favorite.