Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Schreck, Konrath, Dombrowski, Jack Daniels

Me, a woman with poor judgment and Konrath...

Today I'm pleased to invite author Joe Konrath to the blog.

Under the name JA Konrath, he writes thrillers and mysteries. Under the name Jack Kilborn, he writes horror. His new horror novel, Afraid, is being released today.

Also, as an exclusive to fans of our books, Joe and I collaborated on a short story featuring Duffy, Jack Daniels, and a few other recognizable characters. You can download and read the story for free right here:

When Joe begged me to do an interview with him on my blog, he asked if we could do something different from all of the pleasant, informative, sugar-coated interviews he's already done. So we put on the gloves and went a few rounds. No headgear, no illegal punches.

It's worth noting that Joe and I are good friends, even though we're
both hitting below the belt here. Anything for a laugh...

Tom: You're pretty freakin bizarre both in person and the crap you write about--How'd you get that way? Were you breast fed from falsies?

Joe: If so, I'd be thinner. By the way, thank you for having me here today. I know it was tough to fit me in between all of your... what is it you do again?

Tom: Oh nice, really nice. Mr Big Shot Drive-Across-The-Country-Sucking-Up-To-Bookstore-Owners-Jerk guy. Why don't you go give away another of your unpublished novels--does it
get hard to pick from them all? Never mind... Did you name the main character in your books "Jack Daniels" to give yourself an excuse to always have a bottle of it on you?

Joe: Indeed I did. I'm intimately familiar with the topics I write about. For example, my next novel, called The Unhappy Wife, is the heartbreaking tale of a beautiful woman who is trapped in a bad marriage with a small press author--a guy who was hit in the head too many times and moves his lips when he reads to himself.

You know the type.

In the book, she explores her sensuality with someone a lot more famous who drinks a lot of whiskey. It's really funny, like your Duffy mysteries, except this one is intentionally funny.

Tom: Hmmm...a woman who's really into a man with braided back hair who carries with him the faint scent of Roquefort at all times...Chicks would dig that guy.

But back to the questions. Jack, your main character is a chick with great clothes. When you sit down to write, undoubtedly you do it in women's clothes. Does it help?

Joe: I actually had to put on women's underwear once, playing truth or dare. The question was, "Have you ever put on women's underwear?" and I refused to answer it. So I refuse to answer it here as well.

But, yes, now that you mention it, my books are rollicking joy rides filled with fun, excitement, and danger. But you're no slouch, either. Your books are filled with a lot of things too. Like typos.
Tom: Now you're also Jack Killborn. Is that so when you have sex it automatically becomes a three-way?

Joe: Ha! I'm married! You know married people don't have sex! You know that!

Tom: Of the 13,000 plus friends you have on MySpace how many of them do you really think care about you, you know, for who you are?

Joe: It's sad, but only 12,346 of them. The others are stalkers. How are your two MySpace friends, Mom and Dad, doing?

Tom: What can you do in the horror genre that you can't do in the mystery genre?

Joe: All hostile kidding aside for a moment, you and I both write similar types of mysteries. They're thriller stories, with some pretty violent scenes, but we break up the tension with funny parts. Yes, lives are at stake, but there's still a lot of humor. That's why I tell all of my fans to check out your stuff.

With horror, I tried to write a book with all scary parts, and no funny stuff to break the tension. It was a challenge to not be a smart ass, but the book wound up being pretty frightening.

Also, unlike your books, I conjugate my verbs correctly.

Tom: For a second there I thought you were going soft on me. An experience Mrs. Konrath could relate to, but never mind that for now.

Did you start doing horror because you thought us mystery guys were woosies? Or because your mystery sales were so bad?

Joe: I do horror because I'm not a one trick pony. Or a one trick puppy, which you might relate to more.

Tom: Of all the mystery writers out there who do you think the biggest woosy is, besides Henry Perez?

Joe: I could list all of the mystery writers I think I could beat up, but the list would be too long for your attention span. I don't think Henry is a woosy so much as a pacifist. He rightfully doesn't believe violence is the answer. Especially because he punches like a girl. That said, I liked his book, Killing Red, which comes out this summer.

Tom: Your books contain no Elvis references, no basset hounds and no Schlitz--what made you think they could be a commercial success?

Joe: That's the plot of my new book, about a beer drinking basset hound named Elvis. It's called "The King Has the Schlitz." His owner is a male hairdresser who is also a boxer, but he's too old to box anymore so he just writes about it. He has a book series, but it's pretty much the same book, over and over and over, with slightly different covers.

Anyway, thanks for having me as a guest today, Tim. Keep those Doffy novels coming!

Tom: Thanks Joe...jerk.


G.M. Malliet said...

Joe, I would personally like to thank you for breaking Tom out of his mold a little here. Usually when he blogs for us, it's all this stuff about knitting patterns and planting tulips and whatnot. Last time it was a cake recipe and I was halfway through making it when I realized he'd left out half the ingredients. So, I think I can speak for the rest of the Inkers when I say, THANK YOU for being here.

Keith Raffel said...

Tom, when you put a woman between you and Joe, is saying she has questionable taste redundant? Your call.

Alan Orloff said...

Tom, Joe, nice interview.

I know this: I'm AFRAID of Joe/Jack, and I haven't even read the book yet. But it's in my tbr pile!

Sue Ann Jaffarian said...

Tom, your posts always make me laugh. Thank you!

Deborah Sharp said...

I laughed 'til I cried! You guys are a hoot ... I'd love to do a funny insult interview, but I don't think I have the requisite testosterone. Besides, ragging on a girlfriend's shoes just doesn't have the same punch as saying her spouse prefers doing the wild thing with me.