Sunday, June 21, 2009

Facebook, Schmacebook

I'm on Facebook as are many of my Midnight Ink colleagues and many other authors. No one's really clear on how much this social networking serves as a marketing tool, but we do it. And blog, and tweet, and stand on the street corner hawking our books. Trying to cover all the bases.

I like being on Facebook, although I do know now more about some people from high school than I did in high school when I saw them every day. I enjoy the photos of faraway nieces and nephews taken by friends who can't seem to stop taking pictures. I like hearing about the NY Times article I missed on the hive connecting Microsoft, Pillsbury cookie dough and Mr. Big.

Some people seem to use Facebook as a motivational tool. A virtual life coach. Eight days without sugar, a post will read. Working on my sixth consecutive day of zumba. Going on two weeks of 5000 words a day. I took my daughter to dance lessons, son to karate and wrote six scenes in the car at stop lights. Folks around me are writing more, eating less sugar and torturing their bodies in ways I can't imagine.

But it's sanitized, suitable for PG viewing version of our lives, isn't it? We only talk about the positive things. It's easy to begin to feel inadequate on Facebook. My updates aren't as witty as his, nor as inspirational as hers. I get grouchy when too many people wish me good morning or happy mother's day. Maybe it's time for a bit more honesty.

FB status updates you never see. I ate six donuts and could throw up right now. I washed my child's mouth out with soap for saying a bad word. I changed lanes six times in a quarter mile, sending a middle-aged woman in a Prius onto the shoulder where she belonged.

I robbed the Seven Eleven. I embezzled two thousand dollars from my employer to pay a gambling debt. I went to the Bunny Ranch for the weekend.

I'm not going for a walk. I won't make this deadline. I'm watching the Real Housewives of New Jersey marathon. Again.

What about you? What Facebook status update would you like to see?


Sue Ann Jaffarian said...

Heh heh heh. The mind reels with the endless possibilities. After all, we are writers...

For starters, how about: "I got totally toasted last night on pot while screwing my boss in the hope of getting the raise I need to pay for my DUI attorney. Turns out no raise because the Feds are shutting us down, but I did get a nice case of the clap and pocketed his iPod."

Guess I'll go on Facebook now and let people know I just had cereal and blueberries for breakfast.

Keith Raffel said...

TMI! I just found out more about Terri and Sue Ann's personal lives than I needed to know.

Alan Orloff said...

Here's one I'd like to see:

Alan Orloff: Decided to oursource his Facebook status updating to his 11-year-old. Should be wittier, more cogent, pithier, and altogether more entertaining (how did I do, Dad?)

Julia Buckley said...

Alan, I agree. My son's status updates are always more clever and funny than mine.

An interesting idea: maybe you should create TRUTHBOOK, Terri. :)

G.M. Malliet said...

Facebook has made me realize my life is packed with non-events. And I really, truly try not to share them all. Really.

Of course, I haven't had breakfast yet...stay tuned.

Deborah Sharp said...

I LOVE this funny, funny post! Honesty, shmonesty, though ...I'm going to do updates that exaggerate the WONDERFULNESS of me: I'm now a supermodel, at age 55! I just won the lottery. I made souffle for 30.

(Really: More wrinkles than ever; I hate the mirror. My income doesn't match my outgo. Again. I brought a Publix grocery store dessert to the neighborhood potluck . . .)