Wednesday, July 30, 2008

The Lure of Vanity Plates

The state of Virginia is replete with vanity plates. Why? For one thing, they only cost $10. And in my area, with everyone driving the same four cars (minivan, Suburban, Lexus SUV, or Volvo wagon) we’re all striving for some way to stand out.

I’m being serious about that. I once exited the grocery store in search of my white Ford minivan and couldn’t see it amid the rest of the minivans. Only the little skull I’d stuck on the antennae helped me to recall which row I’d parked in. That piece of flare, along with a rear window covered by Sheriff’s Department, State Police, and State Trooper Beneficiary Fund Supporter stickers, allowed me to finally dump an armload of cat food and diapers into my van and not the identical van parked in the neighboring space.

At the time, my vanity plate read LV2EBAY. I used to sell folk art paintings on eBay, but hadn’t changed my plate since I gave up that low-paying career because I couldn’t think of a replacement. A few months ago, I ordered a plate reading PB WRTR, assuming everyone would understand that meant paperback writer. I was wrong. People asked me if I was a pub writer, a published writer, or a Panera Bread writer (which makes sense since I write from one of their cafes five out of seven days). Still, it annoyed me that my plate was a failure, so I changed it again to MYS WRTR. Should be obvious right? MYS is the library abbreviation for mystery, but I’ve gotten plenty of interesting interpretations about my new plate as well.

I’m the type of person that pays attention to vanity plates. I know all the specialized plates in my neighborhood and could tell you where WINEAUX the Merlot drinker lives, where SCALPD the Redkins fan goes to the gym, and where 22BUSY drops her kids off at school. When you drive to the same locations every day like I do, you tend to notice vanity plates.

I’ve also noticed that a lot of Richmonders have plates paying homage to their favorite scriptures. For fun, I’ve been keeping a record of these and have already looked up over a dozen biblical passages. Some of them are very profound, but others have my scratching my head as to why they merit a spot on the back of the car.

If you’ve got a vanity plate, tell us what it says or what your ideal one would say. If you’ve seen any funny ones, share those too.

(Incidentally, I tried to convince my anesthesiologist hubby that he should get DR SLPY or N2BATE on his plate but he told me vanity plates were for pansies

15 comments:

Terri Thayer said...

I'm always in danger when on the Virginia roads, trying too hard to decipher the mysterious plates and not concentrating on my driving.

Virginia has a ton of specialty plates, my favorite of course, being the quilter one.

As for vanity plates being for pansies, my son has one. It's in Italian and means hard-headed. That's my boy.

Bill Cameron said...

I mentioned getting a vanity plate to my wife, and she said absolutely not. The way I drive, she doesn't want to make it easy for anyone to remember my plate.

Clair D. said...

I just park in the farthest corner of the parking lot... since I'm the only one out there, it makes it easy to find my car. =) (Well, that and the rustoleum custom pain job.)

I'm not a vanity plate person, but I did loathe giving up my UFA plate (Unidentified flying automobile.)

Mark Combes said...

I'm a boating kind of guy so I notice boat names. My all time favorite is "Yes Dear."

Anonymous said...

I used to have Fraternal Order of Police plates on my car. To take the vanity thing one step further I added the number of my police academy graduating class as the license number.

I also showed my support for the folks in blue and brown by displaying small National Sheriff's Association and Association of Chiefs of Police stickers on the rear window. I belonged to both organizations.

Well, it didn't take long for people I'd arrested in the past to start having a little fun by reporting my license number (false complaints)to the local authorities - my ex-coworkers.

I eventually changed the plates, but the thugs still called in saying, "It was the car that used to have those FOP tags."

I finally solved my vanity plate problems by moving as far away from Virginia as I possibly could, to California where nobody knows your name. Wait a minute, that's a line from the Cheers theme song. They're singing about the bar in Boston. But, I live in the Boston area now and still nobody knows my name. Thank goodness!

Sue Ann Jaffarian said...

I have the same issue with my car. I drive a white Focus and am often pointing my keys at someone else's car and wondering why it won't unlock.

I've thought a lot about vanity plates over the years, but every thing I've come up with has been taken. These days I'm thinking more like Bill's wife. Why give them something easy to remember? Let them prove it was MY white Focus used as the get-a-way car.

Bill Cameron said...

Well there you go, the perfect idea. Get plates that read "LEELFLND"! Sue Ann, we're safe!

jbstanley said...

Mark,

I saw a boat named "Alimony" once. Thought that was pretty good.

You guys raise a good point about being recognized. Remember that Seinfeld episode in which Jerry's girlfriend thought he was picking his nose...

G.M. Malliet said...

I'm with those of you who really don't want to attract attention! My driving speaks for itself.

Virginia has a ton of specialty plates, and I've noticed a lot of other states following suit. I don't know how the cops keep it all straight - and some of the designs make it really hard to decipher the letters.

Love the "Yes Dear" plate.

Anonymous said...

In the movie M*A*S*H the anesthieologist were referred to as "gas passers."

I don't have personalized plates, but I do have a car confusion anecdote to share. I was grocery shopping one winter day with my little son. When we went outside with our groceries, were were snowblinded. And the locks had frozen on our station wagon. I managed to unlock the back window with my key and sent my boy with the snowy boots crawling across the seats to unlock the front door. Only then did I realize that I have sent him into the wrong car. My station wagon was two slots down. I've always wondered why my key fit that back window.

CandaceCalvert said...

California has silly symbols to add to your vanity plates, so . . . I used to have a really corny 1AUTHOR with a blue HEART in place of the 'O'. It's now mounted on my office wall. My Texas plates are non-vanity.

My brother in law had a (one of many) BMW with MXSCHNELL which, I think, means something like "really fast" in German. The cops LOVED writing him speeding tickets.

Kathryn Lilley said...

My plates are boring (try getting anything clever past the California DMV--they've see it all), but a member of my family has a bright red vintage MG that has the license plate REDCOAT. Kind of cute, because it's a British car...

jbstanley said...

Jeez, what's with all the Virginia to California migration? Was it me?

Felicia Donovan said...

I passed my NHPA (New Hampshire Police Association) sticker to someone who needed it more than I did, but lots of my co-workers attach the "Thin Blue Line" sticker on the rear of their vehicle. I don't stick anything on my car to attract attention. They all know it locally anyway.

My favorite vanity plate is a local one that reads "PB4UGO." Wise words! Great post.

krissib said...

Loved the blog - on many episodes of Reno 911, the deputies usually get into an accident trying to figure out what a vanity plate means (and of course they are always inappropriate plates1) - my favorite was a recent divorcee with a vintage mercedes convertible whose plate was HEPAID - she told me that he totally paid! PB4UGO, H82BL8 and FU2 (ultimately pulled by NH DMV once they figured it out) are also notable on the list.