Friday, May 25, 2012

Inception of a Blog

by Jennifer Harlow

I have my own weekly blog Tales From the Darkside that I write. That’s four blogs a month. That’s a lot considering I spend the majority of my time alone in a room not interacting with the world at large. Not much material staring at my walls. So, where do I come up with my ideas? Here is an example.  Note: mild The Avengers spoilers and adult(ish) content. This blog has been rated PG-13. You have been warned.

Setting: A rare dinner where every Harlow member DAD, MOM, RYAN, LIAM, TREVOR, and MOI are seated around the table enjoying ribs. This conversation picks up about half-way through dinner. Let's enjoy this program, already in progress...

MOI: So, I do any of you have any suggestions for blog posts? I'm coming up empty.

TREV: You should write one about how awesome John and I are at League [of Legends]. We've been playing for like twelve hours and we've almost destroyed the turret.

MOI: Yeah, no. 

LIAM: You should write about The Avengers.

MOI: Yeah, because every other blogger and their mother hasn't already done it and probably better than I could.

LIAM: If you want more people to read it, you need to write about popular topics, not just stories about your stupid cat.

MOI: Have you ever read my blog? I barely write about the cat.

LIAM: I...

RYAN: No one reads your stupid blog. 

MOI: Gee, thanks Ry. Love you too.

MOM: I know what you should write about. You should write about the actor who played Loki. He was my favorite. He had so much...depth.

MOI: [raising an eyebrow] You do realize that that was like the fourth time you've brought up that Loki dude in the past two days. Like every time we even mention The Avengers immediately you pipe up with how cute and awesome whats-his-face is.

MOM: I do not!

DAD: Pass the rice please.

TREV: You totally do.

LIAM: Yeah, I think Mom's on a one-way train to Cougartown with Loki.

MOI: It is very "in" right now. 

MOM: I just thought he was perfect in the role is all.

RYAN: You know what you should write about, Jen. How hot Scarlett Johannson's butt was in that movie.

LIAM: Yeah!

TREV: Totally.

RYAN: I'd read it then.

DAD: Can I have the butter?

MOI: Here, Dad. [to boys] Two reasons that's not happening. 1) I'm a straight female, I barely noticed her butt. 2) I don't talk about butts. Period. I'm a lady.

LIAM: Oh, like you haven't talked about Jeremy Renner's butt on multiple occasions.

MOI: [silence; then] I haven't...recently. Shut up. No, no talk of movie star butts. 

RYAN: Scarett's butt deserves its own post at the very least.

MOI: Whatever. And I'm sorry? All you took away from her character was that she has a great butt? How about how she used her brain to get information out of men. Or how she held her own against every man and alien thrown against her.

LIAM: That stuff was kind of overshadowed by her awesome butt, sorry.

TREV: Yeah, and like you were drooling over Jeremey Renner for his mind.

MOI: I was!

LIAM: And his butt.

MOI: Shut up.

DAD: Pass the rolls, please.

MOM: I know what you should write about, Jen.

TREV: Loki's butt?

MOM: [shooting her youngest a look] You should write about Joss Whedon. How important he's been to pop culture.

MOI: I really don't know what to say that hasn't been said. The man is a pop culture God, end of story. I probably wouldn't have a career without Buffy or Firefly.

TREV: And didn't he show Nathan Fillion's butt in that one episode? Know how important that episode was to you.

MOI: Oh my God! Can we please, for the love of God, stop talking about butts!

RYAN: [standing up] Great dinner, Mom. I gotta take a massive poop now though.

LIAM: [standing too] I know, dude. I'm prairie dogging it right now.   

MOI: Jesus Christ! Can we go one dinner without poo being mentioned?

TREV: [standing] If we did, no one would recognize us. Gotta go destroy that turret.

MOM: [standing as well] You'll think of something for your blog, Jen.

MOI: [to self] Yeah, so far the topic could be The Avengers, Joss Whedon's awesomeness, Mom's trip to Cougartown, Scarlett Johannson's butt, Jeremy Renner's butt, Nathan Fillion's butt, or how at every dinner fecal matter is addressed. Great. They're gonna get cat videos tomorrow.

DAD: [standing] can write about them all.

MOI: Who'd believe this conversation ever took place?

DAD: Anyone's whose ever had dinner with us.

Which is why so few people come to supper with The Harlows. At least I got a blog out of it. Tune in next time for cat videos!


Shannon Baker said...

I am the last person on the planet to see The Avengers so when I do, I'll watch for Loki's butt. I am, however, a big fan of Nathan Fillion's butt.

Jennifer Harlow said...

Who doesn't love the Fillion booty? Even my grandmother calls him "a lovely bit of stuff."