Danger in a Remote River Canyon

by Beth Groundwater

In Fatal Descent, the third mystery in my RM Outdoor Adventures series, I transport my protagonist Mandy Tanner out of her home state of Colorado and off her home river, the Arkansas, to the state of Utah and its Colorado River. Mandy also ditches her river ranger uniform to perform her other job of whitewater rafting guide. She and her now-fiancé Rob Juarez, co-owners of the RM Outdoor Adventures outfitting company, lead a group of tourists on a rock climbing and whitewater rafting trip through Cataract Canyon in the harsh Canyonlands of Utah.

The trip takes place off-season in the fall, so when a murderer strikes and disables the group's radio to boot, Mandy, Rob and their clients are locked alone in a remote canyon with an unknown killer among them. They have no way to call for help or get out except to paddle forward into roaring whitewater rapids where even more danger lurks.

And, of course, to tell the story realistically, I had to try this trip out for myself! 

In the fall of 2011, my husband and I took the 100-mile voyage from Moab, Utah to Lake Powell through Cataract Canyon that Mandy takes in Fatal Descent. We contracted with local outfitter Tag-A-Long Expeditions. Along with taking hundreds of photos and pages of notes, I peppered boatman Dave Pitzer and river guide Justin King with questions.

Though I didn't tackle any rope climbing myself (I do have a healthy fear of heights), I made the hikes that are in the book to the canyon rim at The Loop, where the river folds back on itself, and to the Doll House formation above Spanish Bottom (first photo below), just after the confluence with the Green River and before the danger sign alerting boaters to the rapids below (second photo below).

Cataract Canyon's rapids are as powerful and difficult as those in the Grand Canyon and can be truly awe-inspiring and life-threatening in spring during high water. I chose the fall, when water levels are lower and the rapids are still thrilling, but manageable, for two reasons. First, I wasn't going to take my life in my hands, and second, I needed Mandy's group to be alone, with no help available from other rafting groups, which can only happen off-season.

My group had plenty of chances to get wet (see below) during the runs through standing waves and holes, but unlike Mandy, I never had to swim the rapids. I followed Dave Pitzer's number one rule, "Stay in the raft," and held on tight!

Being an experienced "river rat", it wasn't the rapids that I dreaded before the trip began, it was trying to sleep in a tent on the hard ground! The last time I'd done that was when I was a leader for my daughter's Girl Scout troop. After a weekend with NO sleep and lots of back pain, I swore off tent camping. But, for the sake of research for Fatal Descent, I suffered. I got very little sleep the first night, but due to exhaustion, I did get some the second night. And the stars were fantastic!

While immersed in Fatal Descent, I hope readers can enjoy the natural beauty of the Colorado River and Utah's Canyonlands from the ease and comfort of their easy chairs while trying to solve the puzzle of whodunnit.

The Telling Detail

by Beth Groundwater

Russian author Anton Chekov, 1860-1904, is often called one of the greatest short story writers in history. He is often quoted as saying that short fiction is "the casual telling of a nuclear experience in an ordinary life, rendered with immediate and telling detail." Much thought and discussion has gone into defining what a "telling detail" is, exactly, after he made that pronouncement, and writers have struggled for years to craft those telling details to include in their stories.

A telling detail is the description of some single aspect of an object, person, setting, or action that distills the very essence or uniqueness of what is being described. Upon reading the description of the telling detail, the reader knows what the author needs him or her to know, for the purposes of the story, about the described item. Also, the telling detail often reveals emotion and hidden meaning along with it.

I've recently finished the rough draft of Cataract Canyon, the third book in my RM Outdoor Adventures mystery series and have begun editing the chapters. I have multiple goals for my editing work, but one important goal is to make sure that I have telling details that pull my readers deeper into the story by making them feel they thoroughly know the characters, the setting, and the events in the book.

In describing characters, telling details can reveal what the characters are feeling at the moment, their underlying personality, what they do for a living, or how the POV character feels about them. For example, in the photo below, the age of the book, the lines and hair on the hand, and the way the hand grasps the book tells a lot about the character of the man pictured.


In another example, in the first chapter of Cataract Canyon, my river ranger/guide, Mandy Tanner, and her business partner and lover, Rob Juarez, are checking in clients for a multi-day rafting trip on the Colorado River that will go through Cataract Canyon. Two women step up to the counter, who have similar features but vary in age, so Mandy surmises they are mother and daughter. Then comes the following sentence:

"Contrary to expectation, the daughter wore a loose T-shirt, and the mother’s V-necked stretch top clung to her curves and showed some cleavage."

What does this tell the reader about the characters? Maybe that the daughter is shy and not very confident of her body image. Also, the mother excessively displays her sexuality (this is a river trip, not a night out on the town) and may be on the prowl. Lastly, by Mandy noticing the difference, the reader gets a sense that Mandy doesn't approve of the mother's outfit, because it is "contrary to expectation."

In describing setting, the writer wants o include telling details that make readers feel they are there, experiencing the environment right along with the characters. In Cataract Canyon, early the next morning after checking in the clients, the trip begins with transporting the clients and rafts to the river. Here's how I describe the vehicles:

"The vehicles sat with full gas tanks and engines running, so heaters could warm the interiors. The exhaust steam rising around the dark hunks of steel made Mandy think of hunkered-down dinosaurs, with the prehistoric-looking backdrop of Moab’s looming sandstone formations in the background."

From the description, the reader knows that the morning is cool. The use of the words "dinosaurs" and "prehistoric" are meant to deliberately evoke a sense of the primitive, wild country and geologically rich canyons the travelers will explore. Also, the description is meant to be foreboding and anticipatory, implying that something dangerous is going to happen on this trip.

As a final example of "telling detail," I'll give a description of an event, in this case, unloading the vehicles and carrying everything to the river. Rather than just describing what happened, I wanted to show some emotions and client behaviors that would be important later. Here's what I wrote:

"The whole Anderson family, except for Alex, treated the guides like porters at the put-in. The five of them stood off to the side, talking about the ugly structures of the Potash mine just upstream and taking photos. The others did all of the work, lugging gear and rafts between the vehicles and the river bank. The Andersons didn’t even carry their own personal dry bags down to the river."

The description conveys Mandy's dismay over how the Andersons are treating the guides and shows their disdain for not only the guides, but the environment around them. The use of the word "lugging" shows that the work is hard, and by mentioning gear, rafts, and dry bags, I convey the sense that a lot of stuff had to be moved. This is another aspect of the telling detail, to convey the essence of meaning in as brief a description as possible, so you're not boring the reader.

In the next few weeks, I'll be whittling away at my descriptions, trying to hone them into the evocative shapes that I need. And, I hope my readers will appreciate my efforts when the final book is published. I know that when I read an especially good passage of telling details in a book, I often go back and re-read the passage, savoring it and teasing out how much emotion and information the author crammed into it. A small, well-written "telling detail" can hold as much beauty in the words as the delicate butterfly in the hand in photo below.


Do you have a favorite example of the use of "telling detail" that you'd like to share with the rest of us?

Third Time's the Charm

I've reached a critical scene in my work-in-progress (WiP), Cataract Canyon, which will be the third adventure for river ranger Mandy Tanner in my Rocky Mountain Outdoor Adventures mystery series that I'm writing for Midnight Ink. In this critical scene, Mandy and her partner Rob Juarez are sharing what they've found out about what's really going on and are making some conclusions. Those conclusions will drive their decision about what to do next--and that "what to do next" is the big confrontational climax.

The problem is that neither one of them knows everything yet, and even when they share the information they each have, they don't have the complete picture. So, they're confused and so is the reader. Sometimes that can be a good thing, but sometimes not if the confusion is too much. The first time I wrote this scene, the result was "unripe" like these not-red-yet persimmons. I left out issues and people they should have discussed, so for the reader, threads in the plot were left hanging loose. Even if Mandy and Rob didn't know everything yet about these issues and people, they should have brought them up in the discussion.


On to attempt two with that scene. In that rewrite, Mandy and Rob hashed out everything and everybody and every clue that they had come across so far. They figured out most of what was going on, and in the process, too much was revealed to them--and the reader. Very few surprises were left to be revealed in the climax. In other words, the rewrite stank. It was overripe, just like these bananas.


After sleeping on it with a nagging feeling that the scene was just not right yet, I ripped out the whole thing and started from scratch. Mandy and Rob reveal some important information to each other--and the reader--but not too much. They figure out enough of what's really going on to make some smart decisions, but not to eliminate all the risks. So, there's room for surprise and danger to appear in the climax. Now, the scene is "just right," like these apricots. Perfectly ripe, but not mushy, and with enough meatiness to sustain my characters--and my readers--as they rush forward into the climax.


Thus, the third time was the charm. The third time I wrote this scene, I felt that it finally worked. What would have happened if I didn't take the time to keep on reworking it until it was right? The dullness of an unripe plot or the rottenness of a too-ripe one would have propagated into the climax, leaving readers unsatisfied and with a bad taste in their mouths. Yes, doing this rework put me behind in my writing schedule, but it had to be done.

On to the climax ...

If you're a writer, have you had to rewrite a scene multiple times before you felt its flavor was perfect? If you're a reader, have you read a scene that you felt should have been rewritten until it tasted better? Please share!

Splashing Into Some Deadly Research

I've pre-scheduled my post for today, but I won't be able to respond to comments until tonight or tomorrow. Why's that, you might ask? I'll be getting my ass (and every other part of my body, most likely) soaking wet on a multi-day whitewater rafting trip down Cataract Canyon in Utah. Sure, I love whitewater rafting, which is why I chose to base one of my mystery series, the RM Outdoor Adventure mystery series, on the sport. But this trip isn't just for fun, though I'm sure I'll have a blast! It's to conduct research for book three in the series, that will be titled Cataract Canyon.

The book concept is that my part-time whitewater river ranger, Mandy Tanner, and her lover, Rob Juarez, who own an adventure outfitting company together, will take a dozen clients down the end-to-end Meander (flatwater) and Cataract (whitewater) canyons of the Colorado River for a five-day trip. Also coming with them will be two of their river guides, Gonzo and Kendra, and a new character, a rock climbing guide. They'll be taking the trip in October, a time of year when very few people are on the river.

These canyons are some of the most remote in in the United States, with minimal cell phone access (or none, I hope!). And, there are only three little-used hiking trails in and out of the canyons between the put-in at the Potash boat ramp and the take out at the Hite Marina on Lake Powell about a hundred miles later. Those trails, after hours of hiking, lead only to off-road 4x4 dirt roads that are also little used, especially in the off-season.

Starting to get the picture? This is going to be a locked-room mystery, where the "room" is a remote canyon.

I plan to start off the action with the murderer killing one of the clients and sabotaging Mandy and Rob's satellite phone so they can't call out for help. Their only logical course of action will be to continue downstream while keeping an eye peeled for hikers or other boats (which won't appear) while they try to figure out who among their group is the killer--and whether s/he will strike again. Eek!

My husband and I are taking this trip in late September, as the rafting and hiking season is winding down, and very few outfitters are still running trips this late. We're going with Tag-a-Long Expeditions, who have been wonderful and very helpful so far. We won't be as cut-off from civilization as I intend to make Mandy and Rob's group. Since our group will be so small, however, I'll be able to pick the rafting guide's brain all I want and request him or her to stop at beaches, campsites and trail heads that I want to take photos of and notes about. I plan to finish the trip with all of the raw material I need to make Mandy Tanner's third adventure not only a murderous one, but realistic, too. Wish me luck!


If you're a writer, what is an interesting/dangerous research experience you've gone through to make your fiction realistic? If you're a reader, how much realism do you expect in a fictional mystery, and do you enjoy mysteries that take place in risky outdoor settings or activities?